Heartstrings

The Day My Heart Left…..


The brain was the first to notice she was gone….and he felt nothing. I mean logically he knew of her absence, and time and time again she had told him why she would leave, but this last time, this last incident was too much to take and she left. He decided, he being the leader of all things, he would explain to the rest of her, for surely they must be in shock.

“Ummhumm, ummhummm” he said gathering his voice…” I’ve got a bit of bad news, or at least I think it’s bad, see I wouldn’t really know without my Heart, my heart is gone, she left sometime this morning…I was fast asleep and all of sudden I felt nothing, nothing at all.

Eyes chimed in eager to see, “yeah me too, I had a bit of a night last night, I mean I was flowing, overflowing, the ducts were way below the fill line, and then, whoosh, nothing, dry as “Feets” heal and then some.

“What you talking about Eyes, why I haven’t been dry since, well I don’t know when, always talking bout somebody, just cuz you can see, well guess what, I can feel, and I feels pretty soft myself. Humm!”

“Now, now everybody, we here to talk about My heart, my heart has gone missing and I’m not feeling…”

“Oh what’s the big deal about feeling anyway, touch is better,” shouted arms. “See, I can wrap my arms around you and touch you, I can tickle you and make you laugh and squeeze you and make you cry, just like I did when My heart was here.”

“No you can’t, because you got to have a reason why, and only My heart knew the reason for laughing, the reason for crying, the reason for feeling, only My heart tells me what to feel.”

Arms folded and shut up.

“Excuse me, excuse me, I’ve got something to say,” Mouth interrupted. “I don’t really see all the fuss about My heart missing. We can certainly function without her, now can’t we? We are a… well run, oiled machine, capable of sustaining ourselves, Brain you tell me when to eat, I eat, you tell me, most times when to talk, I talk, you instruct legs when to walk, feet where to step, hands when to hold, arms when to swing, nose when to smell, eyes where to look, and ass, well, you know what you do…anyway you keep us altogether. We will be fine without My heart. I mean we all know for the longest time it was her that kept us in constant discourse, always falling for this guy or that guy, getting her heart broken, time and time and time again, then running back here working poor eyes to death, have she no shame, and me, well once I didn’t get to eat for days. Ask poor Tummy, how he feels about her, all that backed up gas, which caused Ass to act a fool, and you know how foolish and garish he can be…”

“Quit running at the mouth Mouth,” Ass responded, “Is that all you know how to do? Shut it up!”

“Well, I’ll be!”

“Yeah, we know, you’re a loud mouth, a BIG MOUTH! And I’m getting sick and tired of hearing it,” Ear’s flared. “Now listen up everybody, I hear everything, and I heard what happened to My Heart. She didn’t just leave, she gave up, she sacrificed her chance at love for the rest of us. Yep, that’s right. She knew what she was doing to ya…you Eyes, and you, nose, not to mention you Tummy. She saw and felt the pain she put you guys through and she decided that enough was enough. Tough broad that Heart, never heard a tougher one, real standup GAL. You hear me, she was a real stand up GAL.”

“Well, what we gonna do? Eyes wanted to know…you know, without My Heart?”

Brain, the smartest of them all, thought and thought, and then said, “Nothing, we are going to do everything and nothing, we are gonna rest, and maybe when this thing blows over she will return, until then, we rest.”

The entire body was quiet now, no one made a move, no tears, no laughter, no chatter, the eyes closed, legs curled up under her, arms wrapped around her and mouth yawned, together they lay down and slept and slept and slept, and dreamed about the one day when MY heart returned.


The message – take care of your heart, your heart is not to give to any and everyone…for when your heart leaves, nothing feels the same, nothing is what you feel.


Miz

A Shortage of Good, Black Men

Hello Bloggers! I'm going to bring a different 'flavor' to the group as it relates to relationship/dating. First I must give much luv and thanks to my brothafriend, Tony OH, for inviting me to participate in this forum. Although, I write frequently and distribute my 'blogs' via email, he felt that I would make great contributions to this site. So this my first blog on Intimate Outings! Here goes....

As a woman...actually, as an educated, professsional, attractive, Black woman...my sisters and I have frequently asked where are the good single men...especially, good, single, Black men!! Recently, I've had to ask myself...this is 2008, why are we still asking this question? Are we looking for a man or are we waiting for him to find us?!!? I strongly suggest the latter! Instead of looking for a good, single, Black man...how about placing ourselves in locations and events where they frequent. Try visiting our local grocery, department, and/or home improvement store, barber shop, bowling alley, gym, or even joining an online dating site (although we must be careful with those...I suggest the ones that require payment for subscribing). Better yet...when is the last time most of us attended a sporting event?!!? I'm an Atlanta Falcons season ticket holder, so I'm not referring to myself. However, ladies, should you decide to attend a sporting event PLEASE LEARN the game prior to purchasing the ticket so that you will be able to follow play-by-play.

There are good Black men all around us. The problem is that we've bought into the media coverage of saying that there is a shortage. This 'shortage' they're referring to makes it seems like good brothers are missing from sea to shining sea. Personally, I think the media has blown this way out of proportion and women are buying into it the same way everyone bought into the notion of “metrosexuals” (a heterosexual man who grooms himself and knows a little about fashion...nevertheless, he is still a heterosexual man...don't be fooled by the terminology). Since there really isn’t a shortage of men, then the argument is ‘good men’. Well, how do you define 'good'? Is it that the single dudes we meet aren’t measuring up to the criteria, expectations, or laundry list of ‘traits’ that Essence and Today's Black Woman magazines, television, or most single women in America will quickly point out? We’ve all either heard it, or said it ourselves, in one variation or another...“I’m single because there aren’t any good men left; they’re either married, gay, in jail or losers.” Yeah right! For every so-called 'bad' man...there are three 'good' ones searching for the right woman!

Actually, most of us are single because we're waiting for 'Mr. Perfect', when we know he does not exist in this world. I'm not telling anyone to settle. However, I am saying let's stop being so dayuum superficial!! Don't ignore the hard-working, 9-5 brotha. A brotha may not be able to financially take you to the finest restaurants, every concert, etc., but he may treat you well...with respect and affectionately, in addition to occasionally taking you out. Appreciate him for who he is not for what he has or for his material possessions. Answer this...if I order a pizza with 20 toppings and the waiter says, “Sorry ma’am, we only have ham, meatball, sausage, cheese, pepperoni and olives.…” does that mean the pizza doesn’t exist? Nope!! I just wouldn't get the 20 toppings that I requested. Women want 20 toppings on our sour-dough crust, low-carb, no-fat pizza. It’s not a companion we’re talking about, it’s an ideal...an infatuation! Ladies...we often say, “I want a normal guy who can communicate and make me laugh,” but if we're approached by a guy with a sense of humor, he’ll be dissed because he’s too short or his shoes weren’t fly enough. But at the same time we’ll be all googly-woogly when we see a brotha dressed in an Armani suit with a nice car, but who'll probably treat us like 'ish' because we're one of the many women in his life.

I’m not saying anyone should settle, but we probably should check our expectations and realize that no one man is going to be perfect. What I’m saying is this...a cold slice of pepperoni pizza isn't so bad when hunger pangs kick in. And an imperfect man is probably not so bad…when we’re lonely. If you're attracted to him and he possesses most of the qualities that you prefer in a mate, then give him a chance. We don't have to compromise everything, but at least be willing to compromise a few things...slightly amend our dating rules.

Let's stop expecting for men to take care of us and learn to love them instead of degrading them. Let's learn how to stop disrespecting them and speak to them with pride and dignity. Regular single black men are everywhere; we just have to give them an opportunity to show us their worth our time and love. Remember the actress, Janice Hubert, who portrayed the original 'Vivian Banks' on 'The Fresh Prince of Bel Aire'? She married her mechanic. He repaired her car for 4 years and was finally brave enough to ask her on a date. She accepted. They've been married 3 years. Ladies...let's discontinue ignoring the 'avearge Joe'.

(c) 2008 A. C. Howell

Unveiling SEXY

I have a theory about being SEXY, being called SEXY...

Is it really because i'm SEXY or is it because when you see me, you want SEX!

See, i've been called that many times by men who hardly knew me...i wasn't dressed down, no underwear was showing, i didn't pose provocative or elicit a sexual based conversation...i was just being MIZ...and yet...i am titled SEXY.

I told one brother that although that was cute, i would like to be thought of more and addressed by something other than SEXY, for no more than one instance did he refer to me as GORGEOUS, okay, that's cool, me likes, but it didn't last a minute. Our next email, text exchange was followed by SEXY!

I talked to one brother the other night, our conversation was lengthy and we managed to graze over the topic of sex. See, i have no problem talking about SEX, can and will if ever asked voice my opinions on what i like, will do, will not engage in etc...but from that point on...he addressed me as SEXY. "Hi Sexy", "Good Morning Sexy".

So, being called sexy i think has nothing to do with whether you are or not, but more to do with SEX, and the SEX they want to have with you. Sometimes it's flattering but it's also for me quite deflating, because i am so much more than SEXY. I have so much more to give than SEX.

So, if a man is really looking to bed me...it will do you wise to NOT refer to me as SEXY. I'll be beautiful, intelligent, caring, loving, compassionate, all dayum day...but i'm only SEXY for my MAN!

Heartstrings

5 Steps to getting over HIM/HER…


1.Delete phone number, email address, address….all three, but if you can’t handle it, delete at least one of the three, preferably the phone number, because 9 times out of 10, late in the night, after some brown liquor, and Al Green singing “lay your head…..on my pillow”…YOU ARE GONNA PICK UP THAT PHONE AND CALL! And ladies/and gents this is not a good time to make that call, cuz you are weak, and even though you want him/her back…you don’t want to seem like you are begging. So DELETE PHONE to avoid making this awful mistake, and checking off your first step to Getting over him/her.



2. Delete all files, letters, pictures related to him/her. Remember when I said above to delete the phone number, and I really meant for you to delete all three, because once again, even the most remote contact (email) we will find a reason to email them. It may be a weak moment, it may be some song on the radio, during a rainy night, and I have to mention Liquor cuz liquor is a conduit to foolish behavior. Right after you finish re-reading every letter, every email sent…it has you reminiscing about the good old days…you miss him/her…you think after that 4th glass of wine…that he/she just playing games, he/she wants you to chase…He/She WANTS YOU BACK! NOT You have already told yourself, after he/she didn’t answer your last email that you weren’t gonna email him/her again, and here you go again…just one more time…just got to have the last word…well you’ve had the last word for the last 5 emails…don’t you think he/she got it…yep, believe me…they did.



3. Take some time to reacquaint yourself with who you are. You see, oftentimes we lose ourselves in a relationship, we start off very good, holding our own, reveling in our uniqueness and then there are times when we (in order to please our mate) CHANGE! We become who they perceive us to be, we sweep parts of us under the bed, box up our dreams (label them…check back another day). We become who they want us to be…sometimes these changes are subtle, we may change our hair, because I often heard him comment on that ladies short haircut, sometimes we stop hanging with our friends, because he don’t want us in the streets and even me and my friends only hang out at dinner, he’s concerned that they are all single. We alter our reality to fit their reality. Now STOP this craziness, and don’t ever do this again. Take this time to reflect, some changes are good, but that change that you make has to be for YOU and not for anyone else, or else it is not a true change and overtime your old self will surface and he/she ain’t gonna have a clue as to who you are…in fact you may even hear them say, “I remember when you used to be spicy!” HA! Take this time to find YOU again.



4. It’s been months, and believe me when I say, it’s gonna happen. You are gonna run into him/her somewhere and when it happens and you see him/her with that new love/lust partner, it will cut you like a knife. It will burn like a hot comb to the back of the neck. It will irritate you like something caught up in your teeth, like a deep-seated wedgie, like a stubbed toe, and a banged up knee. But, hold your horses, put on your best smile and look like you are SO DAYUUM HAPPY! This will leave them a bit dumbfounded and yet this is for your benefit alone. Smile and shake hands with his/her new friend, introduce yourself if he/she doesn’t. Then, say how good it was to see them and turn your azz around and walk like you just hit the runway (that’s for my ladies….hehehe). And please wait until you are out of site before you breakdown. This is the last time that he/she will hurt you. IT’s OVER!



5. Get a new Boo! Now I’m not saying you have to go out and fall in love, but at least let someone remind BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL YOU! That you are indeed deserving of royal treatment. You are a QUEEN! You are the KING! Give a toast to the fool who let you go! Marinate in your glory, and strut with your new friend, let them season you again. Let them nourish your ego with accolades and adornment, fertilize your soul with all that you desire…and soon you will flourish, right before everyone’s eyes you will grow and come into your own. And others will begin to comment, asking you have you got a new haircut, or perhaps lost some weight, NOPE, none of that, I am just coming into my season…I am blooming AGAIN!

For the love of hate

To say that I once loved you girl, would be like housing a superfluous embodiment of emptiness. You mean absolutely nothing to me, the evaporating value of zero! You are a cantankerous infection to my spirit and unworthy of any further interest. I hate you! Past hate, you are deplorable. I find you unworthy of any of my attention; therefore I cast you deep into the abyss of forgetfulness; I have forgotten you, but I have also forgiven you!

Now, be gone from me you wretched reflection of pain. As I reminisce on how you inflicted so much grief on my soul. I now realize that you are worse than a liar and more dishonest than a thief. You stole joy from me and for that I demand that you leave my presence. You can keep your empty promises, your vanity, and your compliments of pain, as you descend back into the lonely pits of solitude; I’ve broken free from the misery of your subliminal chains. You were an imaginary affection to me, the illusion of pain, stealing joy from the generous and turning my sunshine into rain; turning my thunder into disdain.

So as you cascade back into the depths of loneliness, I’ll be praying for you. That your redemption will be as sweet and rewarding as mine and that you are remorseful for all the days that I listened to you to opine, knowing all the while that my love for you was uncontrollably blind. But everything that you did to hurt me is now just fine, now that I’ve swept the clutter from my heart and the memory of you from my mind, now that I’ve refocused and I'm on an upward climb, I just know that it was all orchestrated by a heavenly design, by the most beautiful, rejuvenating, heavenly design and for the record, you too my love will be just fine, it is my solemn prayer for you girl, that God will bless you and you too my love will be just fine!

In Honor of you my love, in honor of you.


Forever yours,


Sincerely,

Love

© Copyright, A. Stringfield

Heartstrings

Who do you choose??? The one who loves you the most or the one you love the most???




I have had friends talk about the one who loves them the most...the man who would do anything, give anything for them, and then there is the one they love the most...the man who they would do anything, give anything to have and keep. Of course, you should know that these two men are not one in the same. At a young age, when maybe we first fall in love, we can have both in one man...but maybe not now. Because now we no longer judge, or make decisions about our lovers based upon our feelings solely...now we take in account finances, goals, spirituality and the like...so maybe the one we consider our soulmate, who makes us feel things we have never felt before, or rekindles that feeling of newness, of soaring...is all that we desire, but he is also not financially able to support us, or emotionally able or spiritually in the right place. There can be so many differences. I am recently reminded of this quandary while viewing "The Notebook", a lovely romantic story where a young couple falls in love, and because she is from a rich family and he is not the family separates them, and each of them go off and live their life. The young lady finds someone who appears to be everything that her parents wants for her, and yet her love for her first love is too overwhelming. She didn't choose him for what he could give her, she chose him because of his love for her, and it was a love of a lifetime. The same kind of love i have witnessed in my parents, my grandparents. So how do we make our choices? I wonder. Do we choose based upon only emotions, or do we measure by other means? What is the best way to choose a mate these days? Do we base it on physical attributes? Financial? Spiritual? Sex? What is the best combination family? Or can we return to the days of old, allow ourselves to be vulnerable again, removing all the walls of rejection, placing no expectations on the other, and just LOVE? Holla!

Beauty Is Only Sin Deep: Classic Series Vol.1

I’m buried in the deceit of her attraction. The magnetic pull of her essence draws me nearer by her chains of misery. My compulsive love for her drives me to the depths of insanity. Her fruit is bitter, yet sweet. And as Adam was drawn in the garden, I too have become weak and yielded to her temptation. My inner soul has wandered into a land of desolation where despair has become my companion. Driven by my desire to love, I reach out to her but she has departed. The only remnants of her are isolation and loneliness.

Others have sought to comfort my afflictions, however the pain is too immense, I am lost in her affections. Like an attorney I plead my case, yet she shows no mercy. As I seek to forgive her for her afflictions she flees. The hunters are pursuing her and I am trying to free her from the snares of their traps, but she resists as a bird caught in a net. And as I realize that her beauty is the poison that is flowing through my veins, I now know that It was never meant for me to love her, I was only a choice slave chosen for her sole pleasure, to provide sustenance for her existence, to be the labor for her joy.

I have now entered the corridor of shame. With my dignity intact I contemplate whether to refuse her demands for assistance or should I sever the cords of her deception. It is apparent, although the fruit tastes sweet, it’s as rotten as a worm riddled apple and must be separated from my basket. Her anger is aroused as I break the news of my departure. She refuses to emancipate me on the grounds of the fruit that was yielded during the harvest and demands my very soul as a ransom. Her beauty has become a snare to my generosity and there appears to be no refuge in sight. I have become captive to a cosmetic angel and I now realize that her beauty is only sin deep.

© Copyright A. Stringfield 2008

Heartstrings

Thanks to Tony Oh, I was invited into “Intimate Outings” to share my perspective on relationships, or the lack thereof. This is my first entry into this well discussed and much needed topic. I don’t mind at most times using my own backwards and sometimes successful adventures into love to open the dialogue between men and women about what we lack and what we desire. So here it is…no holds barred. I couldn’t start from a safe place, nor a lovely place, so just let me start here…at the beginning of the end.

I like to talk about love and relationships and the lack thereof, open dialogue between men and women may help to strengthen these bonds or at the very least understand each other. So I present to you Heartstrings, open dialogue about what ails us…

Heartstrings…


“Love for the joy of loving, and not for the offerings of someone else’s heart.

----Marlene Dietrich


I must have read this quote over and over, before it’s true meaning hit me and yet I’m still questioning this statement…are they saying that we are not to expect love in return? Surely they are not, and yet tis’ is true. You find joy in the GIVING. Giving is good, and comes easy when someone has captured your heart, all you want to do is give, but at some point the winds may shift, and we are not satisfied in just the giving, we want some RECIPROCITY, this is when things can become a bit unsettled, especially if the two parties aren’t both at the same stages of this romantic evolution…this indeed may cause a break, a global shift. You however are still GIVING, and yet you want to be RECEIVING some of that back. This seems to be more prevalent in man/woman relationships, however if you look a parent child relationship it is also important that the child is nourished early on, the parents GIVING of love is indicated by their care and concern for that child, that child grows up happy, joyful and in return want to GIVE their love to someone too…It’s a wonderful concept, but doesn’t mean ISH when someone has broken your heart, doesn’t return your love or walks away because of your love…there is no joy in this giving, at least none I can spot. So how does one avoid this situation, what are the tell-tale signs that you are about to get dumped, that a heartbreak is forthcoming…I can’t tell no more…and frankly, I’m getting to old for this ISH, so help a sister out, before I give up…cuz a grown azz woman like myself is subject to Heart Disease…ya’ll heard.

In Honor of Love

My salutation is in honor of love to you. I have explored every aspect of your existence and it is my pleasure to comfort you.


I give; through my every action… through my every deed… through my every thought… to supply your every need.


“You are a treasure of love, please do not chide my advances?” “Rather, become my goddess of love and deploy your intimacy with the gift of a second chance.”


A second chance to hug you… a second chance to love… a first chance to caress you… and a third chance to indulge.


“Your choice of me was excellent!” “My choice of you was superb!” “The thought of your kisses intoxicate me more than two hits from the herbs! But unlike Bill Clinton, “I did inhale the smoke, that brought actions to love’s verbs.”


They were your words! Expletives of pleasure, sounds enhanced with reverbs… sending echoes through my soul, uncensored and, “Oh My Word!”


You shall now reap the rewards of that which is heaven sent!


Please allow me to penetrate between your thighs and your mind… pay no attention to what you think you see, because love is blind… inspired by the intricacies of heaven; one totally awesome, irresistible, crazy, sexy, design!


Who can explain it? “No one has the answer.” It just infects the soul and emotions, and then spreads through the heart like cancer; creating two beats in our hearts, that snake charms like a belly dancer.


Sex me… tell me, why wouldn’t you? “I feel the heat of your passion, from the seduction of your every glance… a rhythm so divine, it causes my inner spirit to dance.


I’m Coming to meet you… wait for me by the door; it is the arousing terrain of your anatomy that I’m yearning to explore… endure… caress you, taste you, kiss you and much, much, more… then watch our bodies cascade against each other like the waves hitting the sands, coming against the Sea Shore!


“ You miss me baby?”--- “Well I miss you more!” If you fall asleep before I arrive, leave the key at the front door, so I can sip from the bowl of your affection and fill it once more.”


Are you in to me? Then commit to the love that heaven sent to me? And allow me to explore your mind and body more intimately!

In honor of you my love… In honor of you!


Sincerely,


Love


Copyright 2008 A. Stringfield

Welcome to the first edition of “The Intimate Outings Web log!” It is my latest venture in the expression and quest to find the ultimate, loving, holistic relationship. Sharing the light with me will be the lovely and amazingly talented, “ SHINE” and also, the beautiful relationship Guru, “Diane Dorce aka, Mizrepresent”. We hope to capture your attention and allow a forum for the journeyman lovers to express their heart felt emotions and experiences, while providing creative, unique outings that will provide opportunities for Love to be found. Stay tuned daily…. “Love will find a way!”